


when your world turns upside down (and you don't know how to right it)

by wwa archive (wisdom_walks_alone)



Series: things i started and never touched again [4]
Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: M/M, Middle School Crushes, Pining, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24573373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisdom_walks_alone/pseuds/wwa%20archive
Summary: It was eighth grade, they were fourteen, and they were playing video games in Farkle’s room when It happened.
Relationships: Lucas Friar/Farkle Minkus
Series: things i started and never touched again [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776319
Kudos: 6





	when your world turns upside down (and you don't know how to right it)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a oneshot i never finished and, sorry, it won't be finished anytime soon. i just wanted to archive it here.

It was eighth grade, they were fourteen, and they were playing video games in Farkle’s room when It happened. Farkle had just lost again and in his frustration had lost his balance, falling off the bed and taking Lucas with him. Somehow he had ended up with his face extremely close to his and that’s when the _oh shit_ moment happened, with their noses almost touching and Lucas’s hot breath on his face and with his green eyes staring at him in mild surprise and slight amusement.

Farkle blinked and quickly climbed off of Lucas, apologizing as Lucas laughed at how flustered he was. He let himself smile while he tried to force down the blood rushing to his face. He glanced at the clock and saw it was getting kind of late, and tomorrow was Monday.

“Hey, it’s getting late and we have school tomorrow,” he told him, picking up his controller off the ground.

Lucas looked at the clock too. “One more game,” he said, smiling crookedly.

Farkle looked at the clock on his dresser once more and then at Lucas. “Okay.”

* * *

Okay, maybe he was making a big deal out of nothing, but that incident actually freaked him out. Did he like Lucas all of a sudden? Was he gay? No, he liked Riley and Maya. But did he actually? Did he actually have romantic or physical attraction to them or was it just all made up feelings that he himself had come to believe?

 _Fucking hell,_ he thought, _I hate feelings._ He lay on his bed hugging a pillow and staring out the window, pondering these _feelings_ he had recently acquired. Gross, disgusting, confusing _feelings_. Farkle never liked feelings. They couldn’t be dictated or understood with logic. There were no formulas, no independent variables, no diagrams or graphs. It was quite literally impossible to ever figure them out.

But _did_ he like Lucas? “ _Aargh._ ” Farkle threw the pillow against the wall and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. He could see Lucas’s stupid face with his stupid green eyes and stupid grin and hear his stupid laugh and—dammit, he liked Lucas. 

He thought about all of the girls he’d said he had crushes on. Were those real? Did he actually like them like _that_ ? Did he actually like Lucas like _that_? Were there any other boys that he could possibly like like _that_? Did he like _anyone_ like _that_?

The more he thought about it, the more he realized that him “liking” Riley and Maya was more of a game than actual attraction, and that scared him. It scared him because it meant that the only thing he had to go by, the only thing he had to refer to when it came to romance, wasn’t even real. And that meant that his feelings for Lucas were going to confuse him even more than he thought they would, and Farkle Minkus did not get confused.

At least, not until now.

* * *

High school. To say that starting freshman year seemed daunting was an understatement. Straying from all that he’d known and delving into something completely new and different, meeting new people, the idea of losing friends, it all seemed so frightening.

Farkle didn’t like change. Never really did. He liked how things were now. He didn’t want a new school, he didn't want new teachers, and he didn't want new friends. He wanted everything to stay the same forever. But that’s not how life works, and unfortunately, that means you have to keep moving forward, which meant that Farkle had to move forward, whether he liked it or not.

The summer had passed by quicker than Farkle would’ve liked, but it did give him some time to think. Yes, he decided, he did like Lucas (though he also decided that no one would find out anytime soon), and yeah, his affection for Riley and Maya was purely platonic, and him pining after them did seem to be more of a game than anything else. But he still didn’t like the fact that all he had known about crushes came from some made-up feelings that he had mistaken for romantic love.

Of course, he still did love them, just not in the way that he had thought. Which only left his relationship with Lucas to be figured out. Oh boy.

Farkle loved having him as a friend, he new that, but what would happen if he were to out himself? If he were to confess his feelings? Would that friendship be over? No, Lucas was too nice of a guy for that. But would their friendship even be the same? And this was all assuming that Lucas would reject him. However unlikely it may be, what would happen if he didn’t? Was Farkle even ready for something like that to happen? No. The answer was no.

It was best for now if he didn't tell anyone. Besides, he had high school to worry about.

* * *

After a week, Farkle had mixed feelings about high school. The work? Definitely as he expected. Not too challenging, but more difficult than eighth grade. The teachers? More or less average as far as teachers go, and they still had Mr. Matthews for history. He wasn’t too fond of all the new people, older kids and kids from other middle schools. It was always more crowded than it had been in middle school, and he really didn’t like that. More eyes watching him, more people judging him, and more people to embarrass himself in front of. 

And Farkle was embarrassed to say that he was a bit overwhelmed.

And with the choice of coming out looming over his head, Farkle was feeling a whole new sensation. Anxiety? Nervousness?

...fear?


End file.
